How to Make an Excellent First Impression on Your Dream Dominatrix
Dear / Good morning / Good evening Goddess / Mistress Aido Akida,
Thank You for taking the time to consider my application. I hope my humble message finds You well. I am particularly interested in meeting You for the following reason(s): X, Y. An opportunity to serve You would be an honor.
My name is X, my pronouns are X, Y, and my roles are (Submissive/Slave/Fetishist). I am X years old, and I currently reside in X. My profession/studies/titles are X, Y. In my free time, I enjoy doing X, Y. I am including some pictures with my application.
(Preferably. Always modest, casually dressed, no fetish gear or nude photos.)
As far as BDSM is concerned, I have X / 0 years of experience. I have had sessions with other colleagues of Yours, namely X, Y. I particularly enjoyed / did not enjoy certain aspects of those sessions: X, Y. My kinks and fetishes include X, Y (I will not list any of Your taboos). My limits are X, Y. I understand and fully respect that not all of them may be explored during a first session. My medical conditions are none / X / Y. During our session, I will arrive clean or I will consume only X, Y in moderation. My most recent STI test was on X (no longer than three months ago).
My preferred dates for a session are X, Y. I understand that You do not host, so I have the following proposals for our meeting: X, Y. Please let me know if any of these arrangements work for You. Once you approve, I am happy to provide the agreed deposit and will humbly follow Your instructions. It would be a privilege to hear Your voice, or better yet, to have the honor of a video call with You.
Thank You kindly for considering my application. I eagerly await Your response.
With humble / kind regards,
Your name / Your devoted slave / Your secret admirer, X
(Raise your chances)
P.S As a token of appreciation for Your time, I am offering You a present: X,Y (You are welcome to check my Throne Wishlist. Flowers as Black Calla Lilies, Dark Red Roses, Black Tulips, Burgundy Dahlias, Amaryllis, Protea. Pralines as Fassbender und Rauschand, Reber Mozart Kugeln and handwritten cards are always appreciated). I wish you all the best and thank You for Your work.
A Pervert’s Path to Enlightenment: Diary of a Mistress in Distress
There’s this captivating scene in one of my favorite films, Nymphomaniac, by Lars von Trier, where the nymphomaniac protagonist loses her beloved father the only person she’s ever truly loved. She watches him on his deathbed, sitting up himself, vomiting, making a mess, growing delusional, screaming. In those final moments, she witnesses a completely different version of the man she once knew, once a handsome, free-spirited medical doctor, a clean, proper man, a caring father. As cancer ravages him, stripping away every trace of dignity, he dies horribly, drowned in a delusional hell, humiliated by what his body has become. And then, the scene ends, with an extreme close-up between her legs, as we see her cum slowly, slowly beginning to drip down her thigh. Beautiful.
Back in August, I did a photoshoot in one of my favorite places in Berlin, Treptower Park, at the Soviet War Memorial. I’ve felt a strong connection to that space ever since I first visited it in 2016. The memorial garden is vast, with a brutalist architectural style and a powerful aesthetic. Well-cut grass, serenity, and peace, cypress trees beautifully cared for, yet there are certain contradictions there. I’ve always had mixed feelings about it, but I also feel a deep attraction to the stark nature of communist brutalist aesthetics.
So I chose to do a shoot there, dressed in latex and leather, aiming to express seduction and desire for my viewers.
At first, I felt uneasy like maybe what I was doing was disrespectful to the memory of the millions of Soviet soldiers who lost their lives fighting the Nazi regime. But then other thoughts began to emerge, shaped by stuff I’ve read especially in my favorite body of work, queer theory. These texts are eye-opening and among the most thought-provoking I’ve ever read.
Today I opened my Fetlife and saw a comment that I found unsettling. A user commented under one of the photos, saying he knows very well where I took the pictures, and where I choose to shoot is disrespectful.
In a brief moment of panic, I deleted the comment and blocked the user.
Literally five minutes later, I regretted the impulse.
Not because it wasn’t “democratic” I’ve never claimed to be a democrat, I’m a proud authoritarian Tyrant, and blocking people is a kink of mine...
But because I realized I hadn’t looked at the situation through my favorite queer, upside-down lens and let ego-driven panic to take the reins.
Memorial gardens are curated spaces. They are designed for public mourning, but also for ritual, and artistic representation. Through aesthetics, architecture, landscape, and different sorts of materials memorials shape how tragic history is remembered. And all of that is open to interpretation.
For centuries, cemeteries and memorial spaces have been settings for all kinds of expression: memento mori photography, doomed poets, romantic emos, sexy goth vampires making out upon the graves. Endless examples in art, music, fashion, and film industry.
Some people find these expressions deeply disrespectful because they challenge fixed ideas of how mourning is supposed to look. But mourning, like memory, is not a monolith.
The idea that the sexual cannot enter memorial spaces is a neoliberal model of mourning , one that is sanitized, and policed by a dominant narrative that allows only a singular interpretation of grief. In this narrative, memory becomes frozen, locked into one acceptable reading, determined by a specific group and imposed on everyone else.
When that happens, memory is no longer a living process, it becomes stagnant and untouchable. And in that frozen state, it loses the potential to be reinterpreted through other, equally valid human emotions, including desire itself.
Some theorists argue that trauma can never truly be healed only retranslated.
Trauma, by its very nature, resists closure. It refuses to settle sown to happy endings or the therapeutic solutions of dialogue. Instead, it lingers, lurking in shadows, manifesting through strange reactions, demanding to be felt again and again and again..
Many people avoid scratching at old wounds allowing trauma to sit unexamined, deep within their psyches. They carry on with their lives believing they have moved past it, only for trauma to become the real master of the house, silently shaping their choices, relationships, and very sense of self. Others seek healing, but healing, as psychoanalysis and trauma theory tell us, doesn’t occur in the way most hope.
No psychologist has ever truly cured trauma.
Trauma is like a parasitic entity fused within the mindbody. It is only through creative play and experimentation that this wound can be reorganized and then new pathways might emerge.
A queer approach to history does not aim to resolve trauma. Instead, it revisits trauma not to “fix” it, but to reimagine it, to open it up to new translations, new desires. Not closure, but mutation.
Latex as a material carries certain meanings like second skin, perversion, fashion, fetish, queerness, otherness,. Me wearing it in a memorial space is to insert a non-normative, queer /kinky body into a space designed for a particular kind of solemnity.
Isn’t queer memory about bodies like mine that were always there even when the records refused to preserve them?
Mourning is not always heterosexual, pure, or stripped of desire.
Sexual crimes committed during history’s greatest atrocities have been intentionally buried because they don’t fit the narrative of heroic suffering or collective imagination. As if victims don’t deserve mourning if they were sexually abused.
The same applies to race play, or uniform play in BDSM, which many find completely disrespectful to the history of a certain races, and people they assume is practiced only by malicious racists sadists. But is that really so? Keeping the trauma of any group frozen leads only to stagnation, blocking thought for any new interpretations.
Playing with race, uniforms, age, or even religion may feel sickening and disrespectful on the surface, but it happens between two consenting people who enter dynamics and paint those experiences with their personal colors. How many thoughts and emotions can emerge after such a scene ends? Are those two people bad? And if so, bad to whom exactly?
Is libido, one of the strongest vital energies and forces, a shame to carry? Since it is so powerful, can it not open new horizons for people to reimagine themselves away from the narratives and histories often written by the usual suspects?
In this kink retranslation lies immense power for those who dare to play with taboos, new personal meanings and possibilities for relationship formation.
My intention in my work is not to be disrespectful. I use history but I do not refuse it.
I see mourning and desire not as opposites, but as complementary.
Sometimes mourning looks quiet. Sometimes it is loud and unconventional.
Sometimes it wears latex and it is a reminder that even if it’s not written in history books, it was always here.
With Love,
Mistress Aido Akida
Presence as Pharmakon
I hold a pro-drug stance and I’m supportive of the right to use any substance, however I’ve come to have a very strict opinion when it comes to playing high during BDSM scenes. I’ve lost count of how many times things went wrong when someone was under the influence. Even with experience and trust, the risks simply multiply.
In our times, especially in a city like Berlin, drug use is widespread and driven by many different motivations: coping, healing, enhancing experiences, escaping, or seeking connection. I don’t believe in discriminating against any substance, and I tend to dislike when people harshly judge those who choose to use drugs.
Often, I encounter kinksters who are very judgmental of drug use, and just as often, I meet people who harshly judge kink or certain kink practices . Honestly, I find both attitudes equally off-putting. Everyone has the right to pursue happiness in their own way, and for some, that pursuit includes drug use, kink, or even taboo practices like age play, race play, or consensual non-consent (CNC).
I also don’t think it’s my place to judge how frequently someone uses substances or how they function in life while doing so. I have done that, and I see now that it was a mistake. Drug use is a deeply personal and subjective experience. It depends on countless factors: mental and emotional state, intention, body chemistry, environment, life history, and more.
As long as someone is responsible, and not causing harm and misery to those around them, I believe they should have the freedom to choose their own version of happiness whether that includes substances, kink, or both.
That said, BDSM is built on a foundation of trust, communication, and consent. When someone is high, those foundations are seriously compromised. Consent must be enthusiastic and clearly communicated. Being under the influence dulls judgment and can make it difficult to give or recognize genuine consent.
Communication is crucial. Safewords, check-ins, and subtle signs of distress rely on quick, clear exchanges between partners. Being intoxicated can cause delayed reactions, confusion, or makes it difficult for you to express discomfort or withdraw consent in case you feel so. This makes any scene very unpredictable and terribly unsafe.
Another major issue is pain perception. Stimulants or ketamine can numb physical sensations. While this might seem like an advantage in the moment, it’s actually a serious risk. If you can’t accurately feel what’s happening to your body, you’re far more likely to push past your limits and sustain injuries you may not even notice until much later.
BDSM often involves intense physical elements, bondage, impact play, choking, edge play etc that carry inherent risks, even when all participants are sober and experienced. When you add intoxication into the equation, you increase the chance of accidents, and poor decision-making. Regarding the emotional state, substances can make you more volatile, and aftercare can become ineffective.
Even for regular users, drugs are unpredictable. Your mental state, nutrition, sleep patterns, and hidden stressors all affect how substances hit you on any given day. Scenes are naturally intense, multi-layered experiences, your psychological, physical, and emotional systems are already in a heightened state. Adding drugs to the mix doesn’t “enhance” that it disrupts it.
There’s also a major difference between doing drugs in a chill, social setting with close friends and being high during a BDSM scene with unknown to you partners or setting. The aftermath of a scene can already be risky. Submissives may be dealing with lingering pain, bruises, or deep emotional processing. Dominants may face guilt or anxiety. Now add the chemical crash from substances like alcohol (a known depressant), or stimulants and psychedelics, and what might have been an otherwise positive experience could feel like a nightmare.
These chemicals and emotions can easily distort your perception of the scene. Your mind may look for something or someone to blame. This can lead to demonizing the Dominant, the submissive, or BDSM as a whole. Bitterness and resentment may build, even when no one actually did anything wrong. The distortion of reality is almost guaranteed when drugs are involved anyways.
Being a responsible top or bottom means showing up fully present mentally, physically, and emotionally.
I understand that some people use light substances, like a glass of wine or a bit of weed, to calm their nerves before a scene. While that can be okay in moderation, I’ve found that there are healthier, more sustainable ways to manage pre-scene anxiety.
One of the most effective approaches for me is nutrition. I recommend eating wholesome meals rich in complex carbs and protein. I love having toasted whole grain bread with peanut butter, banana, and a sprinkle of cinnamon. It's satisfying, energizing, and not too heavy. Another go-to meal is rice with sautéed mushrooms and veggies, it keeps me full for hours without weighing me down. A protein shake with vegan milk is also something I enjoy before a scene, especially when I want something light but nourishing.
Staying hydrated is essential. I also rely on physical activity to regulate my stress levels, intense cardio and weight lifting if I'm feeling anxious, or yoga a few hours beforehand to center myself. A sauna followed by a cold shower can really help reset my nervous system and take the edge off.
Right before the session, breathing exercises work wonders to ground me.
I also love to begin my sessions with a short guided meditation, just 5 to 10 minutes where my submissive and I sit together in silence, simply breathing. This tender moment brings us clear focus and an immediate sense of deep connection.
In short, better to choose presence and mind-body awareness to fully experience all that BDSM has to offer, instead of operating from a high-stressed or sedated monkey mind.
With Love,
Mistress Aido
Approaching the Pro Dom: Tips for Submissives, Slaves, and Kinksters
My frustration, your mistakes
I’m writing this text because, more often than not, my empathy outweighs my frustration. Instead of constantly dismissing poorly written messages and keeping my anger to myself, I want to offer guidance now, hoping that some will take a few minutes to read. My intention is to help you understand how to write a thoughtful, effective application, and why including certain information is essential if you want to be taken seriously. This guide is written mainly for cisgender men who wish to refine their approach. I believe it can be particularly helpful for newcomers who feel unsure about how to approach a professional Dom, as well as for those who are simply tired of being ignored and find themselves trapped in endless cycles of frustration and complaints. You might also find some useful tips here when applying to a lifestyle Dom.
This is a guide focused on the art of applying for paid sessions with professional Dominants who are women or queer individuals, including nonbinary people. While many of these Dominants may identify with the term Domme, not all do, so I will mostly use the term Dom in this guide as an inclusive umbrella. However, much of the tone discussed here reflects what is expected when approaching Dommes specifically.
The painful truth is that more than 90 to 95 percent of the messages I have received over the years have been deeply disappointing. Casual short texts such as “You are exactly what I am looking for,” “Hello Mistress,” “Hi, you look gorgeous,” “Are you free on X day?” or “I’m coming to Berlin that day, can I see you?” are sadly common. Others write things like, “I really like X or Y kink, and I’m looking for a Dom to have fun with.” ‘’Can I apply to be your Sub?’’ These messages are unskillful and will likely end in no answer. I understand that breaking taboos can be particularly difficult, especially for cisgender men. However if you are really motivated to get an answer and make your fantasies come true you have to try a bit harder than that.
Entering the dynamic with a “loser mindset” thinking "she’ll never reply anyway, so I’ll just do the bare minimum to avoid feeling like an idiot again" is not only self-sabotaging, but it also communicates disinterest and immaturity.
I’ve heard the complaints: "Doms are unapproachable, arrogant, too busy, too cold." Submissives often assume that because there are more subs than Doms, they’re being ignored due to numbers alone. That assumption is incorrect. What’s often missing isn't availability, it's connection, intention, and respect. So I invite you to pause here. And cultivate a bit of empathy yourself, not just toward the person you're approaching, but toward the process of submission.
If you truly want to increase your chances of being seen, taken seriously, and perhaps even chosen. If you genuinely wish to explore your fantasies and desires in the presence of someone who could hold them with care and authority then consider the following:
A single one well-thought message
The reality is that you are one of many. Sending messages like “Can I have the permission to talk to you Goddess?’’ gives the impression that you’re a time-waster looking for free chit-chat. Many others do the same, and if professionals replied to all of these, they wouldn’t be able to keep their business running. You are not entitled to anyone’s time, you earn it by being respectful and considerate. Instead, send one serious, well-thought-out message that includes all the essential information. Avoid casual messages asking for permission; be clear and respectful from the start.
Engaging in BDSM requires a foundation of stability and safety. Many Doms have dealt with an ocean of idiots, timewasters, bullies, and exhibitionists. Moreover, as women or queer individuals, many have experienced various forms of sexual harassment and abuse particularly at the hands of cisgender men. This is not speculation; it is reality. You may not share these experiences, but it is important to take them seriously. Sending brief, messages from anonymous profiles with no photos can be perceived as suspicious, even if your intentions are good. Therefore, you must introduce yourself in a way that shows kindness, respect, and an understanding of the potential dangers a Dom might encounter in their daily interactions. That said, thank them for taking the time to read one more message.
What it really means to submit
Submitting to a Dom means allowing yourself to be led by someone more powerful. It does not mean using the Dom as a tool for your instant gratification. When you only describe what you want to experience, without showing what you offer or how you serve, it comes across as self-centered. Your pleasure should come from surrendering power and contributing to the Dom’s happiness. For this reason, it is important to understand that booking a session or expressing a desire to be led does not guarantee immediate satisfaction. This is not like a typical vanilla encounter or hiring an escort service.
When you go on a date in the vanilla world, or you pay for escort services there is an expectation that sex and gratification will follow. However, submission is an entirely different territory. You let go of all power, and only after you have proven yourself worthy you might be granted the opportunity to get satisfied some of your desires. And even then, it is offered as a reward not as something owed.
Include essential information
Introducing yourself with your roles, age, name, including your pronouns is a basic gesture of respect, particularly for those who may identify outside of binary norms. Stating your level of experience is also essential. It helps the Dom understand how hard they can go with you. If you are more experienced than them, that can also be an asset, perhaps you can support and help them.
Disclosing any medical conditions is absolutely necessary if you are a conscious and responsible player. High blood pressure, heart disease, contact lenses, plastic surgery, serious mental health issues, panic attacks, skeletal conditions, allergies, and history of fainting are essential.
Being transparent about previous experiences with other Doms or lifestyle partners, and being willing to share what you appreciated or disliked, reflects self-awareness and honesty. Acknowledge any past mistakes. These dynamics are difficult, and errors can happen on both sides. Do not shame others. Take responsibility for your own actions. If you have played with others, you may mention them, or even better, present a reference or recommendation letter. This shows maturity and accountability, and significantly raises your chances of being taken seriously.
Often, mistakes occur when both parties are inexperienced. Every one of us has made them. As we gain experience, we reduce the risk of harm. While it's easy to blame others, a responsible and experienced player knows how to establish limits and maintain structure before things spiral out of control. If you've had extremely negative experiences, consider whether poor negotiation, unclear communication, lack of self-awareness and absence of contracts, may have played a role. This does not include experiences of sexual assault or harassment, which are never the fault of the victim.
On Humiliation and having no limits
Humiliation is one of the most intense forms of BDSM play. While bruises heal in days, a few words can cause deep psychological wounds. What is humiliating for one person may be a joke to another. If you are interested in this kink, take the time to build self-awareness before diving in. Reflect on past experiences that left you feeling suffocated or harmed. It is possible to engage with painful or traumatic experiences and transform them into moments of catharsis, but you must be clear about how you plan to manage the emotional aftermath. Ultimately, it is your responsibility, not the Dom’s, to regulate your feelings after a session. Ask yourself: Am I truly ready to revisit those feelings in a scene? How will I cope with any negative emotions after the scene ends?
Claiming that you have “no limits” is not a sign of courage, it is a known red flag. There is no such thing as having no limits. You have limits, and if you want to present yourself as serious, you must be able to name them. The importance of STI testing should go without saying. Whether you are sexually active or not, you must get tested regularly and provide recent results before any physical interaction. Any serious Dom will likely offer the same.
On directing the Dom
When describing your kinks, keep it brief and neutral. Avoid going off on a rant about ‘hot‘ imaginary scenarios. If you're seeking a submissive experience and you say things like, “And then you enter the room and say X,” or “You wear X, Y, and make me beg, and then I do X, and then you do Y until I scream,” you present yourself, at least in my eyes, as someone who is terribly afraid of the unknown and deeply insecure. Do not attempt to script your Dom’s behavior if you truly wish to be given a chance.
If you are a fetishist rather than a submissive, clearly define your role. And do not assume that acting casually makes you appear more masculine. It doesn’t. Also, respect submissives. They are not beneath you. Acting as though you are superior to them or to the Dom reveals insecurity. Just as you deserve respect as a fetishist, so do subs and Doms.
If you would like the Dom to wear a particular fabric or nail color, ask respectfully. Be prepared to pay extra for custom requests if they are accepted. Never name a Dom’s taboos in hopes that they will break them just for you; this is at least moronic and gets you instantly dismissed.
On payment and how to tell if a Dom is a scammer
A deposit is non-negotiable when engaging with professionals. If you’re unable to trust this small but essential step, it raises a bigger question: how will you trust a Dom to guide you safely into unknown, vulnerable, and intimate territory?
Before reaching out, it’s your responsibility to verify legitimacy. This includes checking the Dom’s official website, their social media presence, any verified profiles, references, or reviews. That level of transparency is enough from their side. If a profile feels shady, inconsistent, or lacks any visible history, it’s best not to engage.
Once legitimacy is clear, respect the professional’s process. Insisting on alternative payment methods is simply disrespectful. This is a business, and like any business, the provider sets their own terms, including how they accept payment.
On booking details
Always follow instructions. Propose specific dates and time. Offer ideas for suitable spaces. Do your research. Repeating questions the Dom has already answered, such as whether they host, or how much this or that studio costs, just to avoid doing the research or paying for a location shows disrespect. You are not entitled to their time. Not reading their instructions simply makes you look lazy and like you can't even read.
If something is unclear, ask about it kindly and directly. But do not bargain. You’re not buying a product; you’re entering a dynamic built on mutual respect, clear boundaries, and consent.
A kind gesture
Arriving with a gift is a kind and thoughtful gesture. You have already benefited in some degree from the Dom’s content, writings, videos, and time. Show your appreciation in return. Approach the experience with elegance and generosity. The few euros you save will not bring you closer to a remarkable and unforgettable experience.
In conclusion, we are aiming to make the application process quick, smooth, a true win-win for both of us. That is the essence of it. The ultimate goal is to co-create an exceptional, sublime experience, a memory that will stay with both of us for a long time. This is not your usual vanilla interaction. It is art. And like all art, it requires skill, presence, and respect.
So my final question to you is this:
Do you believe you deserve an extraordinary experience?
With love,
Mistress Aido Akida