I recently read the advice someone gave to another person before trying ayahuasca, a powerful psychoactive brew. They suggested that, for some time beforehand, the person should work intensively on reducing their ego defenses. One exercise was to go out in public on a daily basis for a week or so wearing a soiled T-shirt and sit with the discomfort of being perceived as dirty. I found this advice brilliant, and it reminded me of one of my favorite practices in BDSM: humiliation.
Some might assume that pain, needles, blood play, or CNC (consensual non-consent) are more extreme kinks, but in reality, words can leave deeper and longer-lasting marks. Watching humiliation in porn as a voyeur can be exciting, but being told you are brainless or ugly in real life, especially by a dominant woman you admire or feel attracted to, is entirely different territory. Humiliation appeals to many kinksters, but in my opinion, few can truly handle its consequences. I often get asked by clients about humiliation; however, I am cautious about introducing it for the first time. The first thing I do is ask them, “What is humiliating for you?” Unfortunately, I usually receive no thoughtful answers.